


A Matter of Lifestyle

by LiliesandSin



Category: Dialogues - Plato, Plato - Fandom, diogenes - Fandom
Genre: Crack, Love Triangles, M/M, Male Slash, Multi, Slash, Smut, Threesome, Threesome - M/M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-21
Updated: 2018-07-26
Packaged: 2019-02-18 05:49:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 4,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13093719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiliesandSin/pseuds/LiliesandSin
Summary: Diogenes is a sickening wreck of a man whose philosophy is based around being the most honest man possible. Plato is a stuck up, prudish philosopher who teaches classes. When the two of them meet, sparks fly, and very quickly, Plato finds himself falling for the most disgusting man in Athens.





	1. Chapter 1

_"Man is but a featherless biped." - Plato, 428 BC- 348 BC_

*

"BEHOLD!" Diogenes said. "A MAN!"  
  
Diogenes was naked and covered in filth, standing in the center of the square where Plato taught. He held a plucked chicken in his right hand. The chicken was squawking loudly, angrily, but hardly discernible over the sound of the laughing class.  
  
Plato, a small, rotund, black haired man, frowned. "You imbecile! You've missed my point entirely! It isn't that man is merely a plucked chicken, only that man is a type of featherless biped! -With toes!" He added quickly.  
  
Diogenes walked up to him smugly. He smelled like must and mud, and possibly horseshit. His hair was cropped short to his head, and he had a sparse, raggedy beard. "And what if you cut off his toes?" He asked. "In any case, this young man's name is Alpha, and I have taken him to be my son."  
  
"GET OUT!" Plato screamed. He felt his face turning red. _Humiliated! In front of my entire class! By an imbecile who jacks off in the middle of the marketplace!  
_

"Not until you acknowledge my son!" Diogenes screamed.

"OUT!" Plato threw a stone at Diogenes. Diogenes laughed wickedly and ran, dropping the chicken on the cobbles.

Plato turned to face the rest of the class. "QUIET!"

The class went silent.

"A MAN," Plato said. "Is a featherless biped. With NAILS." He held up his fingers for emphasis. "Now, as I was saying about the relationship between music and morality..."

*

Plato ran into Diogenes in the marketplace. He was holding his dick in his hand and jerking quickly.

"Disgusting," Plato said.

"I only do in public what all men do in private," Diogenes said. "It's within the natural order of things. Only men attempt to hide what is within the natural order of things."

"There are women here as well," Plato said. He gestured. "Noble women, not just rabble and slaves. They shouldn't be subject to your unspeakable attempts at... philosophy." He wrinkled his nose.

"I was feeling heated," said Diogenes. "If only I could rub hunger away so easily; then I shouldn't have a care in the world. Oh look," Diogenes said suddenly, glancing down. "I've gone all soft talking with you." He looked up and winked at Plato. "Perhaps you could help me wake it up more easily."

Plato was shocked silent for a moment. The thought of fucking Diogenes had occurred to him before; surely a man as wicked as Diogenes wouldn't be amiss to making love with a man.

Then he came back to himself. "You're a pig," he said quickly. "And disgusting."

He shoved past Diogenes. Diogenes laughed behind him.

"I'll be thinking about you, Plato!"

"PIG!"

*

"He took a shit in the theater," Plato said, disbelievingly.

"Indeed," said Socrates. He wandered around the classroom, adjusting his materials. "He said something about the natural order of things when they confronted him about it. Needless to say, he was banned from the theater."

"Natural order of things," said Plato. "What's so natural about what he does? Uncontrolled maybe- undisciplined, perhaps, but certainly not _natural._ "

"Hmmm." Socrates glanced at Plato. "Surely you're used to criticism by now, Plato. Why does Diogenes bother you so?"

"He humiliated me! In front of everyone!" Plato's voice rose.

Socrates sighed. "Plato," he said. "You need to relax. You're a smart man, but you're letting him control your emotions far more than is necessary. You should accept that his philosophy is different from yours. More repugnant, of course, but just as valid."

"Disgusting," said Plato.

"Is that so?" Diogenes appeared in the doorway of the room. He was holding a lantern up, and squinting at Plato. "Disgusting, am I? No more than anyone else. I am simply more honest about it."

"...Excuse me," Socrates said. "I do have to go now. You smell like a pig, and I don't want you to soil me."

"And you consider his lifestyle- his philosophy- as valid as mine?" Plato cried.

"Yes," Socrates. "Diogenes, you are valid, and no one can ever take that from you."

He fled. Plato looked at Socrates, resignedly.

"And why," he said slowly, "are you holding A LANTERN?"

"I'm searching for an honest man," said Diogenes.

"It's broad daylight, Diogenes."

"And yet, not a soul to be found."

Plato sighed, trying to cover his tension. Diogenes was close to him now. He could smell him; he smelled like pigs, must, and mud. He smelled like sweat and filth.

And yet. And yet.

Diogenes put down the lantern. He walked up to Plato. "Well?" He said. "Are you going to help me search?"

"You're despicable," Plato said. He glanced down. He raised his eyebrows. "...and you have an erection."

"The search for truth always excited me," said Diogenes.

"Disgusting," said Plato. He raised his eyebrows. "If you ever took a bath, I might consider it. You're not a bad looking man, behind the dirt."

"My dirt is a symbol of my freedom, and my search for truth and honesty," said Diogenes. "And I would never sacrifice that in order to fuck you."

"Good day, sir." Plato pushed past him quickly. Behind him, he heard Diogenes spit into his hand.

  
*

Plato was by the lake when he met Diogenes again, two weeks later. He found the man swimming; his naked body shone in the light. Clean, he wasn't a bad looking man, Plato reflected; relatively well muscled, and a decent height.

"I see you're bathing!" Plato shouted. His voice echoed off the water.

Diogenes glanced over and waved. He came out of the water a moment later. Plato raised his eyebrows.

"An honest man," said Diogenes, "can be clean or filthy. It doesn't matter to him so long as his desires and needs are fulfilled."

"An honest man," said Plato, "Would realize that it feels better to be clean. Doesn't it, Diogenes?"

"I would never say something like that," said Diogenes.

"Well I would," said Plato. He walked forwards to stand in front of Diogenes. "I would even say that you don't look half bad, scrubbed clean."

"Is that so?" Diogenes asked.

"Yes. In fact..." he trailed off and looked down.

Diogenes was erect.

The two of them looked at each other.

  
"Behold," Diogenes whispered. "A man."  
  
"I can see that," Plato said. He wrapped his hand around Diogenes. "Let's see what I can do to help him out."


	2. A Matter of Philosophy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diogenes and Plato meet again at the marketplace. Plato proceeds to lecture Diogenes on the nature of Philosophy, as Diogenes steals fruit from a tired shopkeeper.

"You fucked Diogenes." Socrates looked deeply resigned. "You _fucked_ Diogenes."

"MY MAN!" Empiricus shouted. He slammed his cup down onto the table; it sloshed wine-dark onto the cloth. He'd had several drinks already, and was tilting dangerously on his stool. "SERVANT! ANOTHER!"

"He seduced me," Plato said. He was drunk; his head was spinning, and he could feel his face turning red. "It was an accident- a temporary lapse in judgement-"

"Was it." Socrates raised his eyebrows. "Plato."

"I NEVER TOOK YOU TO BE ONE FOR STOICISM," Empiricus said. He was no longer shouting, but his voice was still significantly louder than Plato felt was called for. It usually was. "YOU SAID IT WAS A LITTLE... AH, STIFF, IF I REMEMBER CORRECTLY. A BIT OF A HARD PHILOSOPHY-"

"Stop that!" Plato snapped. "It was a mistake! I never meant for it to go so far-"

"The man shit in the theater," said Socrates. "And you forgo my lessons in order to follow his lead-"

"I'm not changing my philosophy for him!" Plato said.

"DIDN'T YOUR PHILOSOPHY HAVE TO DO WITH SEARCHING FOR THE HIGHEST FORM OF BEAUTY?" Empiricus asked. "I'M HARDLY ONE TO JUDGE, BUT I CERTAINLY DON'T THINK THAT DIOGENES COUNTS." He held out his cup for the servant to refill. The lamps on the table were burning brightly, sending tall shadows up on the brick walls behind them.

"It's still my philosophy!" Plato said. "Love is the search for beauty, and beauty is a reflection of that which is good."

"Then how can you explain yourself?" Socrates asked tiredly. "I can hardly understand how you'd go so far as to debase yourself fucking him."

"I still don't know how you know," Plato snapped. "Has he been telling all of Athens?"

"WELL. HE'S CERTAINLY BEEN TELLING THE ENTIRE MARKETPLACE," said Empiricus. "SO DO YOU CONSIDER HIM BEAUTIFUL, MY FRIEND? I WOULDN'T JUDGE, BUT HE HARDLY SEEMS SO TO ME."

Plato sighed suddenly, and leaned onto the table to rub his temples. "...I remember the strange feeling which came over me at being with him. For I could hardly believe that I was present for his actions, his baseless debauchery; his mien and his language were so vulgar and fearless that to me he appeared... blessed. A beauty in his honesty.  And yet, speaking with him, I do not feel the pleasure which I usually feel in philosophical discourse."

" _Philisophical discourse."_ Empiricus sounded disbelieving. "IS THAT WHAT WE'RE CALLING HANDJOBS NOW?"

"I... don't know what to say to that," Plato said.

"MORE WINE THEN!" Empiricus said. "AND WE CAN SAVE THE TALKING FOR LATER!" He winked at Plato. "AND MAYBE AFTERWARDS, YOU AND I CAN DISCUSS THE NATURE OF BEAUTY A LITTLE BIT MORE INTIMATELY. HAVE A LITTLE... _PHILOSOPHICAL DISCOURSE_   TOGETHER."

Aristotle sighed loudly and beckoned the servant over again.

*

Plato found Diogenes in the market. It was a hot day, burning hot onto the cobblestones; Diogenes was naked, except for a rag pulled across his waist. He was stealing fruit from a stall; the stall-owner looked tired.

"Are you going to pay for that?" The shopkeeper asked.

"Certainly not," said Diogenes. He took a bite from an apple. "Nature's fruits are honest and good, unlike the constructs of man."

"I guess I'll go get the guards then..." the shopkeeper wandered off. Diogenes continued eating the apple.

Plato raised an eyebrow at Diogenes. "You're going to get arrested."

"And spend a few nights in a prison cell, outside of the elements," said Diogenes. "Why should I complain?" He scratched his crotch with a hand. "You want something?"

 _Digusting man._ Plato shivered. "Your philosophy is absurd," he said. "It's meaningless. What point do you think you're making?"

"I'm starting a new tradition," said Diogenes. "Still deciding what to call it. Maybe _primal,_ or something equally meaningless."

 _Just what we need,_ Plato thought. _An entire school of thought for homeless masturbators._

"You've been telling people about us," Plato said. He tried to keep his voice level, but he could feel it shaking in anger. "You've told all of Athens, without a thought on how it impacts me!"

"Yes?" Diogenes asked. "And?" He took a bite from the apple. "You're letting yourself be constrained by society, Plato. And yet, society doesn't actually exist. It's all meaningless; a collection of invisible rules that we follow without critical thought."

" _You had no right!"_ Plato hissed.

"I can do what I want," Diogenes said. "Here, watch this." He pressed the apple into Plato's hand, turned to face the market, and began to bellow. "I SUCKED PLATO'S CO-"

Plato grabbed Diogenes around the neck and mouth, smothering him quickly and pulling him close. It was too late- Plato could see heads turning. One or two of them were his students. He felt his face burn, and in a sudden fit of anger, he threw Diogenes onto the ground.

" _Bastard!_ " He snapped.

"A meaningless term," Diogenes said. "Social constructs are a lie."

"That's him!" The shopkeepers voice cut across the market, and he appeared, escorting a pair of guards. "That's him! He's the man who stole my apples!"

"Gotta go." Diogenes rolled to his feet and sprinted into the market. The guards shouted and ran after him, hoisting their shields up.

 _What an absolute... asshole._ Plato shivered in anger, and dropped the apple.


	3. A Lack of Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Empiricus and Plato have a brief discussion that comes close to becoming a dialogue... but is interrupted by Plato's fear of being mocked.

"You shouldn't let him rile you up so much." Empiricus was sitting lazily on the stone benches around the amphitheater. He was sweating; his body gleamed in the summer sun. He was a built man; strong like a bull. 

_A strong, firm man; one with muscles, who could carry me without a second thought._ Plato tried not to let himself get distracted. He was writing busily on a wax tablet, busy with his _Dialogues._ He'd been working on them for a year; a compilation of the lessons he taught, and he and felt he was almost done.

"You're not one to judge," Plato said.

"It goes against my philosophy, in fact," said Empiricus. "Mine isn't a _stiff_ philosophy like yours. Or Diogenes's."

  Plato stopped writing for a moment and scowled at Empiricus. "Don't you have a class to harangue? Why're you bothering me?"

"I certainly don't know," Empiricus said. "Perhaps I was thinking of you after I exercised. Maybe I wanted to have discourse with you. Maybe I wanted to... start a _dialogue_ with you, Plato." He winked.

Plato felt himself flush. He threw the tablet at Empiricus, who ducked with a laugh. "You're mocking me!" He snapped. "All of you! Aristotle can't even look me in the eye anymore, and you think this is _funny_?" He stood, drawing himself to his full height (which was significantly shorter than Empiricus).

Empiricus strolled over, smirking. It was _infuriating_ ; his insolent smirk, his blue, mocking eyes, the way he leaned forwards, as if to emphasize his sheer mass. "It's not my fault you had the poor taste to fuck the town's most influential hobo. Especially when there are other, more deserving philosophers who would love to... debate you."

Plato felt himself burn red, and he shoved Empiricus. Empiricus stumbled back a step and laughed. Beyond the point of rage, Plato shoved him again-

Empericus grabbed Plato's arms and pulled Plato against him. He grabbed Plato's hair and yanked his head back. Plato found himself staring right up into Empiricus's eyes.

"I wouldn't do that, Plato," he said softly. "Violence doesn't become a philosopher." His hand ran gently down Plato's back. Plato shivered despite himself- Empiricus had such strong arms, such blue eyes- Plato could imagine taking Empiricus by surprise then, kissing him just to see him react.

 _But if I kissed him now, would he laugh? Would he laugh?_ The thought of being laughed at more was too much to bear. He pressed against Empiricus's belly.

"Let go of me," Plato whispered. "Please."

Empiricus obeyed, stepping back and folding his arms. He was no longer smirking. "You're... not a bad looking man, Plato," he said softly. "Not that I'm one to judge by looks." He paused and glanced at the sun. "I think I'm late for my class."

Plato was breathing heavily. He sat down, rubbing his chest. "I guess you should go then."

"I suppose so." Empiricus smiled at Plato. "I'll be seeing you... Plato."


	4. A Matter of Judgement

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Diogenes and Empericus find warmth in each other's arms in the hot Greek sun.

Plato walked home. It was hot; the sun was burning into the hard-packed earth, and Plato was sweating. He was stuck thinking about Diogenes again- stupid, filthy Diogenes, who still haunted his dreams at night. It made him feel tired to think about; he still hadn't worked out his feelings about the man.  
  
The idiot excuse of a philosopher. Plato spat to the side. He was better off washing his hands of him.  
  
Ahead, he could see his home. He sped up momentarily, relieved; he slowed down on seeing who was waiting for him.  
  
Empericus. Hot and sweaty, glistening muscular in the hot sun; his blonde hair cut short, to the scalp; his arms folded. He leaned against the wall of Plato's house, watching the sun.  
  
"What are you doing here?" Plato walked up to him, placing his hands on his hips. "Empericus?"  
  
"I was thinking about you." Empericus said. His voice was deep, low. "Plato."

  
Plato felt a chill run down his back. "I... I don't know what to say, Empericus. Why are you waiting?"

  
"I wanted to start a dialogue with you, Plato." Empericus stepped forwards. He was a full head taller than Plato; Plato felt himself being backed up.

  
"Did you now," Plato said. He took a step back. "Empericus. I don't think I've done anything to encourage that sort of thought."

  
"It's a new interest," Empericus said. "I admit, I've never seen you in... quite that sort of light before." He reached out, brushed the hair out of Plato's face. His hand ran down the length of Plato's jaw; he took Plato's chin in his thumb and forefinger. "You're not a bad looking man, Plato."

  
"You've... uh... you've said that," said Plato. His breathing was heavier; he struggled to keep it even. "Empericus. You're not a bad looking man yourself."

  
He felt his face burn. He hoped he wasn't turning red; *gods*, he hoped he wasn't turning red.

  
Empericus smiled. "Are you embarrassed by me, Plato?" He stepped forwards again. Plato realized that he was being backed up against the wall of his house.

  
"Not at all," Plato said. He took one more step back; his heels bumped up against the wall. He swallowed. Empericus was so, so close; he loomed over Plato. "Why would you embarrass me, Empericus?"

  
Empericus placed a hand against the wall by Plato's head. A thrill ran through Plato's stomach; he could feel his body shaking. He wasn't scared- and yet- Empericus was so, so close to him; bare-chested and glowing in the sun.

  
"I don't know," Empericus said softly. "That's why I'm asking you." He pressed a hand up against Plato's chest, ran it up to his neck, and wrapped it around the back of his head. "What do you think?"

  
"I... am at a loss for words," Plato whispered. He had a hand on Empericus's chest; he ran it down to the man's belly. Empericus was hard, strong; it felt like caressing a statue.  
"That's what I like to hear," Empericus whispered back. He leaned forwards and pressed his lips against Plato's.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guys, I'm so fucking sorry. This whole story is basically a flaming dumpster pile full of shit. I hope you appreciate the lack of effort going into it; if I took this story in any way seriously, I'd actually have to face up to the fact that I'm writing porn about Plato.

Plato found himself wandering the grapevines the next day, thinking about what a profoundly _skilled_ lover Empericus was. He had been slow at first, almost frustratingly so; but towards the end, it had been like riding a hurricane; a wild and unstoppable force that had left Plato empty and satisfied. In comparison, having sex (if one could call what they did "sex", and not something significantly more vulgar) with Diogenes had been coarse, rough, brutal and quick; almost animalistic.

He wondered what it would be like for them to have sex together. They were both wildly dominant; however, in a _certain manner_ , he felt that they would be almost incompatible.

They were both... _receivers_ , to be perfectly frank. They were fiercely controlling, which Plato (truthfully) adored, but he would be _damned_ if he allowed _either_ of them inside him.

He stopped walking when he realized that Diogenes was right in front of him. The other man was nearly naked- as usual- wearing a dirty loincloth and a slightly-more-than-healthy amount of dirt.

"Plato." Diogenes smirked. "All by yourself in the grapevines, I see? And what would you be doing this far outside Athens?"

"I am _not_ far," Plato said. "It's only an hour's walk. And clearly I'm not alone if _you're_ here." He pulled his toga around himself and sniffed, sticking his nose in the air. "I wonder that you're not relieving yourself in the theatre. Have you finally decided to civilize yourself?"

"Hardly," Diogenes said. "Our natural functions are normal, and should not be shamed-"

"Shit stinks, Diogenes!" Plato snapped. "Shit stinks, and it ruins the experience of a play!" He saw that Diogenes was about to laugh; he took a breath and forced himself to calm down. "What do you _want_ , sir?"

"I want to continue where we left off," said Diogenes. He winked absurdly at Plato. "Unless you're still angry about my telling Socrates? I can be more subtle this time..."

"It doesn't matter anymore," Plato said haughtily, forcing himself to ignore the other philosopher's bulging erection. "You and I are through. I'm currently engaging in Dialogues with... someone else."

"Someone else?" Diogenes's eyes flashed momentarily, before his expression turned mocking again. "Oh really? So who are you... engaging with?"

"It doesn't matter in the slightest," Plato said. "But he's taller than you, and much stronger; and he's not filthy, and he doesn't yank his cock out in the marketplace!"

"No," Diogenes breathed. "You fucked Impericus?" His voice cracked as he said the other man's name. "He's got less brains than a Spartan!"

Plato glared at Diogenes. "How do you know? -And what does it matter to you, anyway? You were so busy prancing around the marketplace, so _proud_ of yourself for convincing me to let you suck my dick; you never _cared_ about how I felt!"

"Proud? Proud? Of sucking your dick? I could suck any Athenian man's dick! And I don't care in the slightest," Diogenes said harshly. "You can whore around with as many philosophers as you want!"

"Good!" Plato said. "Because you and I are never happening again! I'm _through_ with dialogues!" He snapped his toga around him. "Good day to you, sir!" And so saying, he stormed out of the grapevines, ignoring the blustering man behind him.


	6. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> why the hell are you freaks still reading this  
> This is the threesome chapter. uh... enjoy???

"What are you doing here." Plato stood in his front doorway, arms folded, staring at a somewhat forlorn Diogenes. "I thought we were through, Diogenes."

"I wanted to apologize to you," Diogenes said hesistantly. He talked slowly, as if the idea was new to him; foreign, even.

"Why?" Plato asked. "You didn't seem very apologetic yesterday. In fact, you seemed downright hostile."

"Well," Diogenes said. "I thought about it. And I said things that were truly out of line yesterday. And I'm sorry."

Plato looked down his nose at Diogenes. "You miss our Dialogues, don't you?"

"Yes," Diogenes said. It came out almost as a gasp, as if it was painful to say. "I was jealous, Plato. And jealousy- I would have thought that I was beyond that. I don't own you, and I don't want to; my feelings are something to overcome."

"Huh," said Plato.

"Plato," Diogenes said. He stepped forwards and slowly took Plato's hand. "Plato, I would like to have another Dialogue with you."

"Oh, you would. And you don't have any ulterior motives," said Plato. "No surprises for me? Just you, me, and a Dialogue?" His insides quivered with anticipation; he realized, despite himself, that he desperately wanted to fuck Diogenes again.

"Oh, I wouldn't say that," said Diogenes. "You see, in order to help me make up, I brought Empericus with me."

"Empericus," Plato said doubtfully. "What does he want to say?"

"I thought that he could tell you himself." Diogenes gestured. Empericus appeared, as if from nowhere, dressed in nothing but a loin cloth.

"Why," Plato said, holding a hand to his chest. "You're naked! Empericus, why?"

He winked at Plato. "I thought I'd take something from Diogenes's book. You know, his ideas aren't half bad- in fact," he said, snapping his fingers, as if thinking of something. "Why don't we go inside and talk about them? Have a- how do you say- _Dialogue._ "

"Wait-" Plato's heart was pounding as he raced to take in this new information. "Wait- hang on-"

"Too late." Empericus placed a hand against Plato's chest and pushed him inside. "Why waste any more time than we have to, darling? Unless, of course, you don't want to."

"Close the door behind you," Plato said. "Hurry- Diogenes-"

The door shut with a hard _bang!_ leaving him in the dark. Empericus was already moving; turning Plato away from him and rubbing himself up and down Plato's back.

Inside, Plato found himself trapped between Empericus and Diogenes. Empericus's lips were pressed against his shoulder; he arched his back, and Diogenes wrapped his arms around Plato, pressing their mouths together. A chill ran down Plato's back; he sighed once, twice, as Empericus kissed his shoulders, his neck, his arms. He felt his toga being pulled off; his strange, patterned undershorts (foreign made, from Gaul) pushed down with hard, calloused hands.

"The bed- the bed- the bed-" he tried to push the others towards the mat on the floor. Empiricus laughed and spun him, pressing him up against the wall. His blue eyes ran over plato's naked form.

"And where do you think _you're_ going?" He rubbed his hand down Plato's body, stopping to rest on Plato's hard shaft. Diogenes leaned on Empiricus's shoulder, his eyes crinkled in laughter. "I'm not done with you yet, my friend."

"We'll be more comfortable on the bed," Plato whispered.

Empericus laughed again, deep and from his chest. "I think that you'll find that where we are won't matter to you in the slightest in just a moment." He bent forwards, kissing up Plato's neck, and then whispered in Plato's ear, "Tell me, my dear. How would you like to ride us _both_ tonight? To mount two bulls, and not simply one?"

"I-" Plato gasped; Diogenes had wrapped his mouth around Plato's cock, and he found himself momentarily distracted. "I would like that a lot, I should think."

"Then let's get started." Empericus wrapped a hand around the back of Plato's neck and kissed him, deeply, tongue prodding deep into Plato's hot mouth. And in the dark, Plato lost all track of time.

*


End file.
